Dear Grandma,
I missed you today for the first time.
I really wanted you here to talk to.
I had something important to ask you.
For once, I had something.
Why now, and not during all those slow moments we waited for you to die.
Each minute around you after your mind had gone and you were a shell of a ghost of a memory of my role model, my nurturing true mother, my everything, my explanation of how I am the way I am and I sat there looking into your still breathing eyes searching for just one thing to tell you and all I reciprocated was silence.
Dear Grandma,
I went to La Salette tonight to cry for you, finally.
I expected the lights turned on for Christmas and it was going to be my first time seeing them, special!
Do you know I live here now, by La Salette? I heard you used to love it and bring older members of my family here.
My eyes were so black with heroin I could not see the lights
Maybe that's why I haven't been seeing you,
I know you were watching me thought there were not even lights
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