Destiny, Destiny!

Destiny, Destiny!
You play me every day like I'm a trip hop synth,
uneven melodies and strawberry jam sweetness.
I mirror my own string puppet show,
wanting to be graceful like strings can contort.

Destiny, Destiny!
The days are rolling fast off my tongue,
a violent wheel runs faster, runs me farther.
Sticky and sweet morning,
watery sunrise light a vagary.

Destiny! is a silly lost bird face planting my window at dawn.
Senses are mixed and subtle,
my sight is waxy and determined to be busy.
The line between slavery and freedom is warped.

Visions of conjoined twins

He waits in lines,
she waits in circles.

You're a junky wripped from my chest
Like we were conjoined twins sharing one heart,
one pair of lungs and you were the twin that had the mouth and
the smile and the face looking outward.
I just focused on the heart begged it not to stop for you, not for me,
I forgot it was mine, too.

I just remember sounds, non significant underwater murmurs,
concentrating on keeping you afloat with breath.

Ya, I'd like a flower for that.
Maybe a plant? Or we could go to the beach and collect shells?

Maybe one day you would actually walk my pace in public and look at me like
Im not some brand you trust but a person.

who thinks I want a diamond ring, a diamond dildo I don't fucking know, some stuff.
Still waiting for you to walk next to me in public
Or kiss me when I am totally awake

Or catch me staring at you, for once
You've never dreamed of me like I dreamed of you.

You happened without Me

You busied yourself,
rubbing my feet,
softening my step.

Adoring me, not in
love with me.

Worshipping me, while listening,
with the best intentions, does
not Solve a Dam thing.

I was determined to be made of steel,
to both Love you and Tough love you.

My head, my body could not do it
anymore. I never wanted to be frustrated,
it hurt
everything inside of me for you to disappoint me.

Day to day piled up to weeks and weeks.
They looked the same with you.
I was exhausted of resenting you,
sick from trying not to.

My hopes died and I gave up.
Empathy for you
kept me from breaking down.

My feelings for everyone and everything
paralyzed
and rotted away.

I dealt with it by keeping going.
I didn't think there was anything to
talk about,
my capacities concerning
you
had recently Died.

I just wanted to master this new
consistent family life embrace.
My whole spirit couldn't be the only
one
trying,
anymore-

you didn't notice?

... well, Fuck me.

Concrete avalanche

Distracted by distractions
It's loud in here, alone.

My thoughts are perceived and
expressed in sporadic shuffle order,
No matter how much power I put into it,

I think like an unreliable machine,
the batteries low, the content too complex.
Shuffle order my life, this day, this minute-how to fill it?

Last hour my life was over and this hour my life began and in
fifteen minutes I will be consumed by a latent,
Unplanned desire. Is it lack of will or lack of heart?

Come find me when you love yourself,
when you see as much love in You as
Love you have to give.

what I Decline to admit emotionally
solidifies and returns when a striking point is
identified. I am given away to the wim of
Pain from unconscious volatility.

Distracted does little
my fragile emotional nescience
physically tortures me without a source.

I was that tough, well, that much
in Fear that my
assumed- to- be- stable-sole-family partner.
Shattered me, hell, maybe focused me finally, illusions
shredded to shame you took the knife that sat between us
and cut and cut and tore and teared upon
the miles and miles of rope bridges I made, over time,
to walk to you, to get to you, to get you.

Bridges of trust were left open to you
My fault because I forgot I was not tough.
I'd been struggling for months to stand up
on my own.
For you, too.
Did you need me to be down to want you?

I was climbing, falling, assembling and maintaining all the time.
No matter what I did your hunger constantly spoke to me.

I wanted to feel safe, figure things out.
You showed no concern for me.
Sorry, I wanted to go on a date with you.
I wanted you to want me to feel secure, feel hopeful.
I pretended you did and often when I glimpsed you
were not going to sweep me off my feet or even consider it.
I cried.

I'm just a girl and I needed someone
that held my hand and took me somewhere.
And whose actions more than words proved to me;
Everything was going to be OK.