You happened without Me

You busied yourself,
rubbing my feet,
softening my step.

Adoring me, not in
love with me.

Worshipping me, while listening,
with the best intentions, does
not Solve a Dam thing.

I was determined to be made of steel,
to both Love you and Tough love you.

My head, my body could not do it
anymore. I never wanted to be frustrated,
it hurt
everything inside of me for you to disappoint me.

Day to day piled up to weeks and weeks.
They looked the same with you.
I was exhausted of resenting you,
sick from trying not to.

My hopes died and I gave up.
Empathy for you
kept me from breaking down.

My feelings for everyone and everything
paralyzed
and rotted away.

I dealt with it by keeping going.
I didn't think there was anything to
talk about,
my capacities concerning
you
had recently Died.

I just wanted to master this new
consistent family life embrace.
My whole spirit couldn't be the only
one
trying,
anymore-

you didn't notice?

... well, Fuck me.