TOP REASONS
WHY NOVEMBER FIRST
TO JANUARY SECOND
OFFICIALLY CREATE
CRAZY, ANGRY, YOUNG
LONELY AND SINGLE
ALCOHOLICS
A ballad by Diana Lee LaBrecque
Living in New England means constant freezing weather,
not enough cheap warm jackets for poor college students
to afford and calling my parents up for more Cosco hand warmers
because I am lonely and single during the holidays.
Random acts of kindness become ever more rare and more random
from parents when they send you a box of cookies and not hand
warmers and I never seem to get what I want in my stalking because
I am lonely and single during the holidays.
Festive lights are always turned on too early in the day, so they
aren’t seen at night because all the bulbs have burnt out by then,
and it never snows when it should because I am lonely and single
during the holidays.
Friends are never around when you need help writing angry letters to the
managers of whoever created light bulbs and they all have perfect
boyfriends whom I love to hate because I’m lonely and single during
the holidays.
Lack of incoming phone calls drives me to sketchy internet chat
rooms and I am reminded that the world is a scary, pedophile place
because I am lonely and single during the holidays.
Officially hating society reminds me that no bars in my town check
for a valid ID and a group of strangers saw me throw up my candy cane
dinner on my out of style earmuffs because I’m lonely and single
during the holidays.
Signing myself into rehab while giddy carolers sing Peace On Earth
in a continuous round that can only be heard in my head confirms that
I should have said yes to that date on November second and I need to
move to Mexico and become a mistress because I am lonely and
single during the holidays once again.
1 comment:
Sad and beautiful.
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